Only God Can Judd Me

[00:00:00] Hello, Jack.

[00:00:01] Hello, Brian.

[00:00:02] Jack, as you know, I don't know if you heard, but we have a sponsor.

[00:00:06] Uh, do we?

[00:00:10] Yeah, you brought the sponsor in.

[00:00:12] They're called silent partners.

[00:00:14] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:00:17] Sorry, I'm not good at this stuff.

[00:00:18] Yes, I forgot.

[00:00:19] Yep.

[00:00:20] That's right.

[00:00:21] So, and you had sent me, I guess, a list of, or an X kind of a brief of what they do.

[00:00:26] Yes, I did. patented method of not talking about them. By remaining silent from January through April 15, you are legally permitted to not pay your state and federal income taxes, according to our on-staff legal counsel, Jake Mittenberg. Jake may not be able to practice law legally because he was disbarred from molesting a

[00:01:40] suffragette, but he's totally allowed to offer his advice on legal matters. or plumping up your mistress' lips so that she looks like an anus with eyes. What are you waiting for? Visit Silent Partners on the World Wide Web at http://www.silent.partners

[00:03:00] No dot com though, homeslice.

[00:03:03] Sorry, but we cannot honor our competitors' coupons. So that'll be fun to figure out where that lands. I'm just trying to make them happy. That's what this game is all about. Make the sponsors happy. That's what the game's about. So, Brian, how are you? It feels like there's been a big life change, a big life event that you've just undergone that I'd love for you to share with people.

[00:04:20] Absolutely.

[00:04:21] Went to a diner.

[00:04:25] Normally would get sausage patty.

[00:04:28] Yep. cook as you know and she she put together a phenomenal stew of styrofoam pellets, a bubble wrap and newspaper. It's a Polish dish. Well you know communism was not good they didn't have a lot of you know a lot of good quality food back in the day. If anyone could make that that stuff delicious yeah that that

[00:05:42] all makes sense. Yeah so um yeah so, you know, I want to be on all fours in that event. They look over, they see a cow or somebody who respects cows and they have respect for me in return.

[00:07:01] And then he'll invite me to his 7-Eleven

[00:07:04] and give me a free payday bar.

[00:08:01] I haven't, I haven't heard of that.

[00:08:03] I guess very small town, very small town.

[00:08:09] And, um, no, I mean the, the Indian population is, is very, it's pretty much non-existent and I'll tell you why.

[00:08:14] Cause as you enter river, Berg Haven, there is a sign billboard size

[00:08:21] that says Indians not welcome.

[00:08:23] Oh my Lord.

[00:08:25] Yeah.

[00:08:26] Yeah.

[00:09:23] or Riverbergville, any of the Riverbergs, not welcome there, which is not true.

[00:09:25] They are welcome here.

[00:09:27] We have a dearth of convenience stores.

[00:09:30] And so we would like them to come here.

[00:09:33] We're trying to work out a way we can have a billboard

[00:09:37] that says Indians welcome, but the right ones.

[00:09:41] The spelling bee ones.

[00:09:44] The spelling bee people.

[00:09:45] Yeah, we want them for, you know, businesses of that town. What are you seeing? What are the downsides of it? Well, there's a curry farm down the street and they're in bankruptcy. They've been foreclosed upon. Nobody's buying it. There's a gentleman trying to sell Ayurvedic herbs. He's having no luck.

[00:12:02] arms of the deity at the same time. Oh, fun.

[00:12:04] Yeah.

[00:12:05] And then there's pull the glove off the deity's arm

[00:12:09] and you have a lot of options

[00:12:10] because they have several arms.

[00:12:12] Right.

[00:12:13] Right.

[00:12:14] And you know, and what I learned, which is interesting

[00:12:17] is I had always assumed it was because they were deities.

[00:12:20] Right. Is that not right?

[00:12:22] That they had all these multiple arms.

[00:12:23] No, there's just Shiva's dome of destruction. Okay, how does that work? What's the ride like? Well, it's a roller coaster, but it's actually run by people, by indentured servants, who that feeling like in Space Mountain when you're in the pitch blackness and you just don't know you can't see the coaster at all it's kind of scary. Yeah totally. This is similar. Well this is similar in that you know you don't see where you're going it's just a thick green or you know fog but you know you're

[00:15:04] going through like this thick I love that you're embracing

[00:16:23] other cultures in Long Island.

[00:16:25] You know, a lot of people think it's like'm sending it to you right now. Okay. It just whizzed through the internet. And as soon as you get it, just please just take it away. Let's correct this wrong. Let's right this wrong, Jack. It's important to admit that you make a mistake. I hope my kid, I mean, I don't allow my kids to listen to this filth, but if they did, I'd want them to learn this lesson.

[00:17:40] That's what my grandpappy said.

[00:17:43] Okay, I've gotten the script.

[00:17:44] I have never read it before.

[00:17:45] Count me down.

[00:17:46] Three, two, Silent Partners has an unforgettable chemistry between the A-list cast of Judds.

[00:19:00] Judge Judy loves Silent Partners so much,

[00:19:03] she changed her name to Judd Judy.

[00:19:06] And Silent Partners is the only entertainment option I'm sure you nailed it, Brian. Thank you, Jack. Thank you, Brian. Hey, Brian. Hello, Jack. Hi. So I saw an incredible story in the news that I know you're certainly aware of. And then is- Taylor Swift and Trevor Kelsey, whatever his name is. Nailed it.

[00:20:20] It's people tune in for the pop culture stylings

[00:20:24] of Brian Sack.

[00:20:25] That's right.

[00:20:27] Or is it Judd Sack? legitimately either in two ways. Either there will be some sort of device that will stop your car from going 10 miles over the speed limit, or there will be once you go 10 miles over the speed limit, there will be sort of like that when your seatbelt isn't fastened, you get the ding, ding, ding, like a really annoying sound that will,

[00:21:41] loud sound that will make you sort of force you

[00:21:44] to go back under 10 miles below the speed limit. the exterior and just bounce off if you hit it. Or you could have a bunch of Indian guys just pull the semi trucks and it'll be slower, but safer, safer, safer. So, you know, now I know you're part of the city council Los Angeles, which is where you keep a second home there just for this purpose.

[00:23:00] Yes, that's correct.

[00:23:02] OK, that's weird.

[00:23:03] I like to have a say in the laws, Jack.

[00:23:05] I know you do. So, you know, and that's exactly what I wanted to ask you about.

[00:24:05] Well, you know, in order, drowning deaths, of course, are tragic. And we think avoidable if people have a means of not drowning.

[00:24:11] And so we have what we call the Life Preservers Everywhere Act.

[00:24:16] And what it does is it will ring the coast of California, the LPEA, will ring the coast

[00:24:23] of California out to about three nautical miles, because we assume people aren't going

[00:24:27] to swim too much further out than that. Yeah, I mean the person tasked with coming up with a clever acronym kind of dropped the ball on that one. Did it right? He drowned, didn't he? He was busy drowning when he was coming up with the shark defense reduction act bill because you know, he was preoccupied with the fact that he was being attacked by a shark. Oh man.

[00:25:41] That someone alert Alanis Morissette because that is ironic.

[00:25:45] That is ironic.

[00:25:46] Don't you think it's like rain on your wedding day? Well, if you're wearing corrugated metal in the water, isn't that going to be heavy, cumbersome? Yeah, yeah. It is. But you forget that every 20 feet there's a life preserver connected by a rope. And so whenever you're feeling tired from treading water in your corrugated metal shark skirt, all you need to do is reach out to that rope,

[00:27:01] pull yourself to a boy or to a life bring preserver

[00:27:06] and then wait until you have enough energy kids are just going to want to splash around like with their buddies in the ocean. And when you're wearing a shark skirt, I would imagine that's a little dangerous, not just from the drowning, but just from the corrugated metal. Well, that's, that's fine. Kids will be able to splash around in the newly defined, uh, kitty oceans. I haven't heard of kitty oceans.

[00:28:21] Kitty oceans are approximately four inches deep by 80 feet wide.

[00:29:22] So how do we get around that? We do the Oreo Cellophane Reduction Act.

[00:29:28] OCRA?

[00:29:29] OCRA, finally, a decent acronym.

[00:29:34] Now, thanks to OCRA,

[00:29:36] Oreos can't have cellophane around them.

[00:29:39] They can only be wrapped in biodegradable paper.

[00:29:43] Okay.

[00:29:44] Much easier to open, you won't risk tripping down the stairs.

[00:29:47] So I'm confused. levels go up because of an interaction between the white cream filling and oxygen. So that is something we need to work around avoiding because this is as a result of the lack of cellophane. So we are going to have the arsenic reduction in cellophane freethrough lanes act. And what we're doing is we'll be instead of using a municipal parking lot to park our dump trucks, we're just going to choose random fast food outlets and parking their drive-through lanes. This will, of course, inhibit the traffic flow of standard automobiles, and we're

[00:32:22] hoping reduce the number of people using the drive-through.

[00:32:25] Now you're going to say, OK, well, but I own 75 hectares of alfalfa sprout farm. It's just, it's coincidental, but I just, I saw that I figured the future

[00:33:41] was gonna be more health oriented.

[00:33:43] And I don't know about you,

[00:33:45] but there's nothing more delicious than. Alfalfa. And Mr. Alfalfa will appear in TikTok and we're hoping go viral. We're really hoping for a viral campaign. Well, he said, that's good. It's good that a company is finally trying to create a viral thing.

[00:35:00] I think more companies should try to do that.

[00:35:02] Yeah. I mean, I know it's a novel thing and that nobody has thought to do this.

[00:35:07] And we thought, okay, name, but we're not going to do brands or anything. But you're going to know it's a fast food restaurant from looking at the door. And right as he reaches for the door handle. Mm hmm. Sprout is going to be a diminutive little twinkish looking alfalfa. A figure is going to approach from outside of the bushes.

[00:36:23] Uh huh.

[00:36:24] Going to come out of the bushes.

[00:36:27] He's going to come out of the bushes. right back into his pickup truck and he drives away, hopefully to a farm store. OK, so. As the as the as the creator of this content, what message were you hoping to get across from this strange long kiss?

[00:37:42] Well, that some folks are intolerant, especially pickup truck people.

[00:38:45] It just seems a little sweaty. It seems like you're trying to check a lot of boxes with that one instead of just getting

[00:38:50] people to eat slightly healthier.

[00:38:52] Some have said that.

[00:38:53] Obviously, Mr. Alfalfa is mixed race.

[00:38:58] We do have some agendas and sprout is here illegally.

[00:39:01] So there's definitely a lot of things we're trying to tackle at once.

[00:39:05] We're trying to save a bunch of people fueled by alfalfa sprouts come up to the border and then just start cutting down all the barbed wire that Governor Greg Abbott is putting up to to keep his state safe, allegedly. Whereas I think it's racism and genocide. It's genocide to just put up a deterrent.

[00:40:21] You know, the way I define it and the way many people define it,

[00:40:24] it's a very loose, loosely defined word.

[00:41:23] race as well. It doesn't matter. Tell me about how all this works in this commercial.

[00:41:24] He's white Hispanic.

[00:41:26] Okay.

[00:41:27] Well, so you see a border patrol agent. And he's looks over and he sees that

[00:41:35] there's been a barbed wire fence has been cut open. Oh, and people are

[00:41:40] streaming in. And they're all mostly males between the ages of 18 and 24.

[00:42:42] message or takeaway. Hate has no home here.

[00:42:43] Love is love.

[00:42:48] That's very confusing.

[00:42:50] You guys have so many masters to serve in California that I can.

[00:42:55] I appreciate what a challenge it is.

[00:42:57] So it's a lot of work.

[00:42:58] I guess it's a lot of work.

[00:42:59] A lot of work.

[00:43:00] We got a lot of irons and a lot of fires.

[00:43:03] That's great.

[00:43:03] But aren't you what about the Iron Fire Reduction Act?

[00:43:07] Yeah. Well, that's one safe. Okay, I will. No, I'm serious. It's a law. It's the Jack Must Stay Safe Act. Jack. Brian. I feel like I might have gotten our sponsor, Silent Partners thing wrong. Like not exactly what they do.

[00:44:21] You mean the movie? Yeah. I don't know if they do movies, Jack.

[00:44:24] Yeah. I Googled wonder. They literally sat there the whole meal and didn't say a single word. It kind of makes you want to guess what their story is. Maybe she's furious at him for something he did. Or maybe her ovaries went kaput years ago before ever giving him the children he so

[00:45:42] desperately wanted. Maybe he hates her. Or maybe would love multiple dot partners. Like I'd love to try that one. OK, well, then go to Prague. They should put that on the like brochures because that would get

[00:47:01] they would get a lot more traffic.

[00:47:05] 800 crowns, Jack.

[00:47:07] 800 crowns.