Homage to George Lowe and Lou Gehrig's Uncle

[00:00:00] I bought that book coming out called Fight. Okay. It's about the election. Oh, the U.S. presidential election? Yeah, and it's tons of revelations about what happened and everything. And a friend of mine had an advanced copy and it sounded awesome. So I'm just like, holy crap, I gotta get this book. What was the... They knew his mind was mush. And there's just a lot of drama behind... And they were doing like insane things like, you know, they have,

[00:00:26] they send people out to knock on the doors, you know, when they're looking for votes. Yeah, of course. Grassroots, they call it. Yeah, but they normally they wouldn't go to a house that has a less than 60% chance of voting for the candidate. Okay. Because that way you can kind of sway the voter. Mm-hmm. Or to make sure someone who does align with you actually shows up and goes. Shows up and says, yeah, you gotta get to the polls. Their cutoff was 20%. Oh! So they were actually, they were so desperate,

[00:00:54] they were going to houses of people who were probably going to vote for Trump or might not vote at all. And going to houses that didn't like, really like them and saying, you really got to get out there to this. So they were like motivating people to vote who, who probably went out and voted for the, for Trump. Wow. They went to Mike Johnson's house. So crazy, right? Now, Brian, you, I know your friend got an advanced copy and that was a really good real observation,

[00:01:20] but you know, some of the other real observations from that book, some of the surprising things that, that have come out about the Biden campaign, Biden slash Harris campaign for presidency, whether it's George Clooney or what have you, you know, what are some of the other things that really stand out in your head about that? Well, so Biden did not want to step down. Okay. Yeah. I think, I think people probably know that. He was adamant that he was going to keep going. He said he was going to be, he was telling a small plant in his office that he was fine.

[00:01:49] He was going to continue running. He was, he was determined to have a second term, even though he had said he didn't want one. And so what they did was they, they said, Hey, we're shooting a movie. Uh huh. And the movie is like, it's like this crazy idea that you stepped down. And so they, everything he said basically about stepping down and then that was, he thought he was performing in a film directed by Brad Pitt.

[00:02:18] Oh, that's sad. Yeah. That's taking advantage of him. They tricked him and then they just kind of let him away and they put him in the pantry and he loves his corn chips. So he just was snacking like crazy on there. They went to Costco and he had as many corn chips as he needed. Wow. Well, I'm impressed that the government went to Costco to save a couple bucks. Well, it was actually, it was out of the, it was out of his campaign. So that's a lot of where the $1.4 billion went, uh, was to chips into Costco.

[00:02:47] But they went to like Costco gold where they just, for some reason charge you, you know, 50% more. Yeah. You get military prices. Huh? All right. $75 Advil. Yeah.

[00:02:58] So now is it true though, that they, you know, cause obviously, I mean, I think everyone knows that, you know, Joe Biden thought that the small plant in his office was his best friend, but didn't they hire the, um, the, the, a bunch of Henson puppeteers to, you know, sort of like live behind and under the desk and, and animate the puppet to tell him what to do. Yeah. Well, they just, you know, they wanted to keep him engaged. Cause you know, his, you gotta keep, it's like a muscle. If you don't, if you don't deal with an older muscle, it's going to atrophy and become weak.

[00:03:28] So they wanted to entertain him constantly with these various puppets. So he was basically, and they also created puppets to look like various state leaders. Oh, really? Yeah. So he, uh, at any given time, he thought like at one point he thought that, uh, Keir Starmer, uh, the, the British PM, uh, was, was in his closet and talking to him and just kept popping his head out and just giving him some ideas and things and asking about the weather and just what she thought about this, which the, so just kind of keeping him engaged.

[00:03:59] Very important. Like teaching him the alphabet, stuff like that too. It's just reminding him what the letters were, what they meant, how many there were. That was a big thing. Cause at some point he thought there were only seven, which you should have seen his draft of the state of the union. It was just terrible. Yeah. It doesn't, it doesn't sound good at all. No, it wasn't good. They were very, you know, they're, they were freaking out. I mean, I understandably saw some, that's why one of the many revelations in this book, I'm very excited about it. That's very exciting. And do you remember the. It's called fight. Fight. So it's great.

[00:04:28] I mean, a free plug in our podcast. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Cause I hear there's money in podcasting, which we'll probably get to later. Actually. No, I want to keep doing this. You bastard. Okay. Fine. What last thing? What was the name of the, the, the plant? What was the name of the plant? His best friend. Joel Schumacher. Terrible filmmaker from the 1990s. Joel Schumacher. Yeah.

[00:04:58] No kidding. Yeah. It's not a very planty name. It's not a very planty name, but then again, his brain is pudding. It's so much so that he thought the fourth Batman was good. He did. I mean, he was raving about that. That's actually one of his last executive order after he pardoned all his family members and his son going back to eternity. And then just did a, just making sure that we all clear that the fourth Batman is the final.

[00:05:26] And that was the very first executive order that Trump basically got rid of. Which was, of course, you see how it all comes together in a Soros type of way. That was the George Clooney Batman. And now we see how these people take care of each other. Yep. They're just looking out for one another. It's crazy. That's great. So is there money in podcasting or not? That's, I feel like we touched on that and I don't even know. There isn't Jack. Oh shoot. Yeah. I, I did so much research. I talked to three different AI bots. There's nothing. There's no money in it.

[00:05:55] Oh gosh. But yeah. So what, what, what, what? Today's a special day. It's the one year anniversary of my friend getting blown up and six other colleagues. Oh yeah. That was a year. It's, it's hard to believe that that, that was a year ago. Yeah. That was a big whoopsie on behalf of the idea. I'm sorry. Right. And, um, so, uh, death was on my mind. Okay. And then I remembered, oh, my friend George died. That's right.

[00:06:23] And I was like, why don't we do like a little impromptu memorial for George with a couple of his bits that he used to send me. Oh, that's nice. Just funny stuff. Just to memorialize George. George. And this is George Lowe. George Lowe. Give us full name. He was a tremendous announcer. Great voice. He was the voice of space ghost and countless FX network and countless other things. Mm-hmm . And voice of our show, the BS of A back in the day. This is real. And a good friend of mine from the nineties. Yeah. And he died, uh, earlier this year from heart issues. Yeah.

[00:06:52] But, uh, so I was going through some of the, some of the stuff he had sent me over the years. Okay. Cause he would just do these fun little commercials and things. So I wanted to start with, uh, one of my favorite spots of his that he sent me back way back when called Medieval World. Okay. It's just a take on, um, Renaissance fairs. Okay. Great. Ready? Ready. This is George Lowe. Okay. My dead friend. Oh, Medieval World.

[00:07:20] A day, new smells and excitement for young and old alike. Medieval World. An authentic Renaissance village built miraculously with the power tools of today. Medieval World. Eat authentic medieval food cooked in non-city regulated shacks. Medieval World. See uncoordinated men in cumbersome replica period costumes, frightening children on horseback. Meet people who couldn't get hired to do anything else speaking in simulated English accent.

[00:07:48] Meet the loose trashy women of today dressed up as the loose trashy women of yesterday. Medieval World. Medieval World. See a moron with a flute. Medieval World. Enjoy uncooked fowl. Medieval World. Visit the village of ye way overpriced souvenirs. Medieval World. One visit and you'll say, why couldn't the plague have hit here instead? Medieval World. Every weekend until we get tired of prancing around in our knickers in a cow pasture just off the interstate.

[00:08:16] That is freaking phenomenal. Isn't that great? That's one of my favorite bits that he sent me. Did he write that? Yeah. That is like your voice in it. We had a very similar sense of humor. He just had a much better voice. And again, George would do this. No audience, no upside. He's just, I think this is funny. I'm going to send it to my funny friend, Brian, and we'll laugh about it. I'm sure he sent it to a bunch of people. And I mean, you know, we were doing stuff for the radio station there in Atlanta.

[00:08:46] So occasionally we would do stuff for them. But this, I think, was from more of his personal collection. Oh my gosh. That is, that's legit funny. Yeah, it is very funny. I see a moron with a flute is my favorite line. That is really funny. The loose trashy women of today. Yeah, today. That's very funny. Damn. That's George. Wow, man. That is so funny. Do you know, Brian, I was actually a little bit concerned where it's like, oh, this is going to be more of a cute homage and not necessarily.

[00:09:16] That was legit hilarious. Yeah, that's that's George. That what that I'm thrilled that we're honoring his memory by playing this. That's really funny. Yeah, I thought it would be nice. That's great, Brian. So how are we going to honor your friends who died, you know, in their charitable work when they were accidentally blown up by the IDF? Now we start the show. You're listening to Questionable Material with Jack and Brian, a mostly improvised podcast

[00:09:45] produced in New York by Jack Helmuth and Brian Sack. QMPodcast.com. So, Jack. Yes, sir. I have more George Lowe, of course. Good. And I also have his voiceover reel. If you wanted to hear that, it's kind of interesting. It's not funny, though. People don't know the editing process that goes into a show like this. There are times at which you and I will share interesting stories or personal things or whatever,

[00:10:15] and we will make the decision to cut out these things because this is a comedy podcast with comedy in it, as the saying goes. And we typically don't do non-funny things. OK. All righty. Got a level? So here we go. Hi, I'm TV's beloved Space Ghost, and welcome to our exciting show featuring George Lowe. Wait a minute. Let this guy shill for himself. I'm not doing it.

[00:10:40] Rolling out another long, creamy block of non-stop rock on The Loops Blocked-tober weekend. The Loops Blocked. All right. That's enough. Oh, George. That's a voiceover reel. It's just a bunch of your stuff. Yeah. And you could hear, gosh, you could hear that voice. That is prime George Lowe. Mr. Beefy. No, he's great. Well, I can't wait. So later in the show, we'll hear two more funny bits. Yeah. More funny bits from George. My late friend. I love it.

[00:11:08] You know, and George's death provides you the gift of not having to write bits this week. And I thank him every minute for that. I mean, finding sponsors out in the wild. That's right. Hunting for sponsors is difficult, Jack. That's right. You almost got me there. I forgot. So. I don't. Yeah. Oh, go ahead. No, I was just gonna say, that's right. I forgot that I don't write the bits. I hunt for sponsors in the wild. That's right. Nailed it. We totally got it.

[00:11:37] So Brian, how are you, pal? Um, good. Okay. You know, I was in Florida again, cause I can't get enough Florida. Sure. Had to go down there and look at a school with my sonny. Mm hmm. Okay. And, um, and what else has happened? Did your son try to, um, uh, sneak any, uh, airplane liquor? He did not. Okay. Okay. Didn't do that. Um, so we, we done did that.

[00:12:06] And I had a funny thing. I wanted to tell you that I've, I've, it has escaped my mind. Oh boy. Escaped my mind. Well, maybe that, uh, maybe the, the lumpy on your thyroid is. Oh, that's right. I got to take care of that. Don't I? Have you not made an appointment yet? No, I haven't made an appointment. I called and they didn't have something until like June. I was like, this seems late. So. So then I never made another appointment. So I just got to get on that. That's on my list. Okay. Okay. Do you mind? I know this is a little personal, but do you mind?

[00:12:36] Do you have the list right there in front of you? The list of things I need to accomplish. Sure. Okay. So, um, all right. So I mean, you know, that would be, uh, to me, that's an important one. I'm sorry that that's further down on the list. Well, you know, read us a few of the, the sort of top entries on your list of to do things. Uh, well, I need to build a shelf. Mm. Mm. Cool. To put stuff on. To hold things. Classic shelf.

[00:13:02] I have to, uh, develop a secret signal for my gay cruising club. Okay. Those are very, two very different things on your to do list. Yeah. Well, the shelf is a lot harder because that involves carpentry and, and, you know, getting the wood license level and, and, you know, getting in, finding the studs and mounting them properly. That's harder. Okay. Everything you just said sounds like the second one though. Yeah. Well, it's true. There's a lot of mounting in that and finding studs.

[00:13:34] So I, it's silly me. I, I guess I'm not as familiar with your secret gay cruising club as I should be. Yeah, I guess. I haven't mentioned it before. No, I don't think you have. It feels like that's something I would remember what, um, that's, I mean, first of all, it's cool that you start a club. I love your ingenuity. What, uh, what's the name of your club? Well, it's just called the secret gay cruising club, the SGCC. Okay. Yep.

[00:13:59] I mean, they say it's best just to sort of have a, you know, some sort of title that where there's no confusion. Yeah. Because the other title was a little misleading and got us into trouble. Okay. What was the, what was that? The playground. Oh my gosh. Well, uh, yeah, how I, I understand, um, the misleading part. How did it get you in trouble? Well, I don't know.

[00:14:27] I don't, maybe you didn't see the viral videos, but basically moms kept coming by with their kids and dropping them off. And there's just a bunch of dudes milling about the woods and the mothers are pretty savvy. They catch on real quick. And so we got, you know, I, I tried, I tried to wear a mask, hide my face and stuff, but it got out there and it was really embarrassing. Um, you know, humiliating. I did the apology tour, the things you do.

[00:14:54] I checked myself into a rehab and sexual rehab and a depression clinic. And, uh, you know, all the things you do to kind of word off the, the onslaught of people yelling at you. So did you do the Oprah interview? I, I, I tried to, um, but she did, uh, Harpo productions did not take my calls. That's a shame. Yeah. That's a key part of any apology tour. I, you know, if it worked for Megan Markle, cause everybody loves her. I don't see why it couldn't work for me.

[00:15:23] Yeah, no, she is truly beloved, uh, in all countries, especially this one. A lot of talent. That's just what I'll say. Raw talent. Just raw talent. Yeah. And just, you know, just so grounded is that I think the other thing that I admire. Gives off a lot of chill energy. Yeah. It seems like somebody you'd want to hang out with. Yeah. Have a lychee martini. Absolutely. And she's, she's probably like some of the moms who, um, misunderstood your, your playground club.

[00:15:49] Well, they came off as not nice, uh, with the, just the screaming and yelling and the, the phones in my face and recording all my pleading and begging and me getting off the ground and pulling my pants up and screaming. It was just a mess. Well, how did your club members, I mean, your club members must've been like, this guy is amazing. They were upset that the club was shut down for a period of time. Yeah. Now we should actually be clear.

[00:16:17] Of course, of course, uh, uh, having a secret gay cruising club does not necessarily mean that you, uh, people like that would target children. That's a very different club. No, that's the next door. That's the pedophile club. It's just the PC. So when, when you hear things about the PC police. Yeah. What is that group? Those at the PC police are the people who prevent the kids from being more than nine years old. Oh my God.

[00:16:46] So they'll card the children and a lot of kids don't carry ID. So they're very good at profiling and, you know, just ascertaining visually. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Looking for hair on the upper lip or whatever. And of course, just so you know, they change it. It's no longer the pedophile. They say it's minor attracted person. Is, is, is that true? It is actually true. Good God. Yeah. Cause it's cause pedophile is too offensive to it.

[00:17:11] Well, you don't want to kink shame and, and minor attractive person is the new, that's the new term that they've been trying to use. Hasn't really taken because the reaction seems to be like your reaction was like, what, what's wrong with using pedo? And again, this, again, I want to be very clear with people. This part is real. Yeah. They are called, there, there was a group of academics who would like to refer to them as minor attracted persons.

[00:17:41] Wow. Okay. And of course, if they're black, they're minor attracted persons of color. Map box. Okay. Um, what if they're on housed? What if they're on housed black minor attracted people? Map of all. Okay. All right. Fair enough. So, okay. So this, I look, I know we got to get back to your to do list cause that's what everyone

[00:18:10] wants to hear about, but this club certainly is interesting. So the, is the club, uh, uh, re reformed? Is it bang now that you're out? Yeah. We just need a new symbol. Okay. That we can set up to designate a wooded area as a secret gay cruising club location. Uh huh. Because what we've learned is we want to be mobile. Okay. I know cause we're always, you know, we're always worried about storms of angry Karens rushing

[00:18:37] through the woods with their strollers, accosting us, you know, and it's very hard for us. We're off here for on all fours or our knees or whatever, you kind of get up and scramble and you can trip. There's a tripping hazard in the woods. You can, you can fall and scuff yourself. Yeah. So we're just trying to find locations where these screaming Karens aren't going to come harass us. Have you found a good new first location? I wouldn't say it's good. I would say it's accessible and everybody knows where it is. Oh, that's great. Where is it?

[00:19:07] Uh, Morris elementary. That's that can't. Okay. Yeah. And I, I can tell you why, because the, the map folks were there and the mappers don't want us on their turf. So there was a little bit of a sharks and a jets kind of rivalry. Oh, the minor attracted persons. And you guys had a, had a scuffle. Yeah. Well, it's kind of, they, they consider it their territory.

[00:19:33] So there was a, a lot of dancing and singing and then a knife fight. Ah, so a lot of times people, uh, gangs such as the, I guess the one you're in and, and your enemy gang like to, um, to tag their territory. Yeah. You know, you know, you know, with spray paint is, you know, you tag it to let people know that, Hey, this is blood's turf or Cripp's turf or whatever Latin Kings or, uh, or MAP turf. What, what, what is your symbol? If you don't mind me asking.

[00:20:03] Well, that's what I'm working on now. Okay. Cause until that it's just been like a giant penis, but that seems so everybody seems to do it. There's a lot of misleading. Yeah. Cause it apparently is something that people just draw everywhere. Yes. So it's constantly people thinking that we're having a gathering and it's not true. Right. So any thoughts as, as what you could do to replace the penis? Well, I've been, you know, going through the various fruits and things.

[00:20:32] Apparently pineapples are taken by the swinger community. Okay. Watermelons are taken by the free Palestine community. That's right. So the water, you know, you can't do the watermelons, can't do the pineapples. I think they, the swingers use the upside down pineapple sign. Okay. I don't know why, but that's their thing. I looked at papayas, but they're just so weird looking. Apple kind of is not, not going to work. Pears make you think of a pear bottom and that's not what you want if you're in the woods.

[00:21:00] And so it's, I'm just looking for a variety thing. Obviously you have the carrots, you have zucchini, you have the elongated vegetables. Yeah. But you know, that's a little too phallic and we're, we're trying to be classier. Yeah. Yeah. Ugly fruit sends the wrong message. Mm-hmm. Pomegranates look like a bloody mess when you get into them, you know what I'm saying? And you don't want that. Just like a map after a knife fight. Yeah. I took that guy down.

[00:21:30] God bless. Okay. Well, hey, good. Hey man. Good luck with your club. Thanks Jack. Now, what else is, what else is on your to-do list? Uh, well, I wanted to do a welcome rockets. That's so interesting. Welcome rockets for who, for what? Wouldn't it be cool? Like you're, you're visiting New York city for the first time. Yeah. You're on a plane, maybe from another country and you're sitting, you're looking out the window and you see this beautiful skyline as the planes coming in to land. Yeah.

[00:21:59] And then these rockets just shoot up in the air and explode and they say, welcome. Okay. And then you just, you, you, you make all these people on the plane realize, oh my God, you know, we're really welcome here. That's, you know what? I, your heart is in the right place. I want to start there. Mm-hmm. Have you, have you field tested this at all? Yes. Okay, great. What were the results of your test? Well, I mean, the FBI was pretty much on top of that real quick.

[00:22:28] I, I was outside the perimeter of JFK airport. Uh huh. Yeah. I was, I was in what I thought was just kind of a junkyard. Okay. In Queens or whatever. And. Might be a good meeting place for your club, but go ahead. But well, you know, it's funny you mentioned that, but, um, so that's another, the rockets, but, um, so yeah, I shot them off there as the planes were coming in and I don't know, give me, you know, 15, 20 minutes later, I was actually surrounded by a variety of law enforcement.

[00:22:58] And officials, man. And you know, I explained to them my welcome rockets concept. Great. Yeah. And, and, and were they, did they, did you convince them quickly? No, they, they actually, I don't know if you saw the tweet, but the FBI called me a retard on Twitter. Wow. I know things are different now that Trump's in office, but that's, that's a little, that's a little rough. Yeah, no, they, they called me a retard on Twitter and then they made a graphic from that studio Ghibli animation.

[00:23:26] And that made me just with my eyes crossed. And yeah, it was just really embarrassing. That is embarrassing, man. It's tough when, you know, national intelligence agencies are, you know, calling you a retard. Yeah. I, you know, especially since intelligence is their business. So you feel like they know. Yeah. That feels like if they're stating it, they must have, you know, sort of like a report or two pieces of evidence. Yeah. It made me feel really bad.

[00:23:55] I had to go take a walk in the woods to do some contemplating. What was the result of that contemplation walk? That I shouldn't say yes to everyone. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, I don't, I don't really care about the rest of your to do list.

[00:24:19] Um, you know, because frankly, uh, as the FBI says, you're just a big old retard. So Brian, do we have any more George Lowe to share with the world? Yes, we do have more George Lowe to share with the world. I love it. This one is called RPS. Okay. Let's listen. Do you long for painful compressed spinal disc?

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[00:25:45] Crunt boy. Crunt boy. Yeah. It started a little slow in the first 15 seconds where I'm like, okay, maybe this isn't as good. And then holy cow. Yep. That's George. Oh, but then what was the one before peeing blood? Oh, there's another truck coming in. Yeah. That is so simple. Yeah. Wow. That is very funny. It is funny. Uh, you know, what's interesting, Brian is I can, is his voice back then in the two

[00:26:14] bits you have played, it's not quite as polished as the voice of the BS of A and of Space Ghost. Yeah. So this was a, was the, all these, were all these bits created in the nineties? Yes. So my guess would be, they might've even been on cassette tape. Oh, okay. And from cassette to digital. So you, that's why you have that little hiss. Yep. Yep. And a little more of a tinnier quality to things. Yep. Okay. You know, and, and equipment got better. Microphones got better over time and.

[00:26:44] Sure. But, uh, yeah, I would, I would imagine that that's, that's part of it. Well, okay. All right. Yeah. Cause it's, boy, that is, that's funny. Like, cause the George Lowe voice that I know from our TV show together from back in the day, the BS of A, uh, check out clips on YouTube, um, uh, was, was much more representative in that, in that brief, uh, voiceover reel that you played earlier. Yes. Yeah. The big Mr. Beefy voice. Yes. Yeah, exactly.

[00:27:11] George Lowe, ladies and gentlemen, uh, a national treasure. Yes. Good guy. Let's just close with national treasure. Okay. We, cause there's this thing called heightening and where you want to say like a bigger or nicer thing. Okay. Uh, and then what you did is I said national treasure and you said a nice guy. That's sort of the opposite of heightening. All right. Let's try again. Let's do something. Give me another one. Okay, great. Heightening. Okay, great.

[00:27:39] George Lowe, one of the greatest men I've ever met. So swell. You're doing a really bad job. But I said so swell. I hear you, but it's just not swell. It's just such a, uh, it's such a big, wet fart of a word. It's just, it's, you know, first of all, it's like, leave it to beaver in the fifties. It's just not good at all. I would like you to get this right. Just before, before we move on. Okay. You're just, I don't know. The FBI is right.

[00:28:09] That's all I'm going to say, but so here, here we go. Uh, uh, George Lowe. There'll never be another one like him. And if you disagree, I'll kill you with chopsticks. In a way that heightened. So I'm going to give it to you. Thank you, Jack. Here's a little look behind the scenes of our show.

[00:28:35] We record this usually a couple of days, sometimes when I'm naughty, a couple of weeks before we release it. And, uh, the episode, uh, and today we are recording on April 1st. That's right, Jack. April fool's day. Yeah. I'm dying, Jack. What? I'm dying. Uh, is it, is it the thing in your thyroid? Nope. What is it? I have Lou Gehrig's uncle's disease.

[00:29:04] Now I know all about Lou Gehrig's disease and it is awful. It is bad. Uh, what, I mean, his uncle, Lou Gehrig's uncle's disease must be worse. What happens when you get that disease? Lou Gehrig's uncle's disease is a form of celiac disease, which is the disease that makes you allergic to gluten. All right. Yeah. Okay.

[00:29:32] But the problem is with Lou Gehrig's uncle's disease, for whatever reason, your brain is wired so that you can't tell people that you are allergic to gluten. Oh. So you could be at a restaurant and see them pouring gluten on your avocado toast. Uh huh. And you're not able, you don't have the ability to tell them to not do that because you're going to have stomach cramps in a matter of seconds. Boy, that's a tough disease.

[00:30:02] Yeah. It's really unpleasant. And I'm dying of annoyance, not really physically. I see. So now Lou Gehrig, uh, let's see, uh, played at the Yankees and the started in the mid 20s. I don't know sports. I know you didn't, but let's just do the math here. So Lou Gehrig was probably born, went to Columbia university. I'm going to say probably born between 1895 and 1900. Therefore his uncle, uh, may have been born anywhere between 1860 and 1880.

[00:30:31] This was a, this was a disease back then. Yes. Way to heighten. Uh, you, this show is nothing if not historically accurate. Yes. Well, Brian, I'm so sorry that you're afflicted with this. It's okay. I'm just, I'm just milking it as much as I can on Instagram. No, of course. Of course. That's what one does.

[00:31:01] And along with post pictures of avocado toast, ironically. Well, uh, you know, you should probably put fixing this on your to-do list. I'm going to be honest with you. Okay. Just one friend to another. Anyway, today is April Fool's day. Yes. We're recording. And you have, and this is the God's honest truth. This I swear to God, this is true. Last night I had a dream about you in the dream.

[00:31:29] Someone comes in, you and it's two guys in like scare in like scarecrow masks, like scarecrow from like the Batman show, like these, uh, sort of like a, a gray satchel, sort of terrorist masks, I guess, sort of a gray satchel, um, hoodie with eyes cut out and the, and the mouth cut out sort of the unknown comic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and then in my dream, like I'm totally terrified.

[00:31:58] I think I'm going to die. And then you rip the hood off. And it's just clearly, you're just like, you've gotten one over on me. I swear to God. And I, and I, and I, I wasn't even thinking about April Fool's. That was the dream I had last night that you would trick me into thinking you were going to murder me. Oh my goodness. Well, I used to love doing April Fool's jokes. Well, that's, I know all the time. Yeah. So maybe that was what was inside of me, uh, last night. Um, and I'm not in your club. So that was the only thing.

[00:32:24] So, you know, I, I'd love to just, would you mind sharing a couple of your other sort of classic Brian April Fool's day jokes? Sure. Cause you're the king. I do. I mean, for the longest time I used to really take great pride in my April Fool's jokes and I do long setups too. Yes. Leading up to April 1st. So in other words, you would, you'd be preparing this days, weeks, or maybe even months in advance to set up the April Fool's day. Yeah. I mean, the one I did, I did on John Mayer when he was my intern. Oh my gosh.

[00:32:54] Tell me. Uh, that was, so his, he had his first album was coming out. Yep. And this one's real. Yeah, this is real. I created a fake internet persona online and it was just some girl, uh, who, who basically, uh, was a fan of his. And then she connected with him and he was, that was back before he was huge. So he was responding to emails. But he had his big, his big album was coming out and this was going to be a big, big thing for him. Yeah. Uh, but of course secrecy was important.

[00:33:22] I remember I invited him to a pagan pleasure party and, and he declined. And then, cause I also gave off like, uh, you know, weird girl vibes. Uh huh. And, uh, so, but I kept dropping little things here and there that, that, that meant, cause I had, I had knowledge of what was in the album and what was coming and stuff. And I kept drop dropping little hints here and there to the point where he clued in and started freaking out that somebody was leaking stuff from the album. Amazing.

[00:33:51] And he actually wound up almost, he almost fired. Like he was like, he got into a huge altercation with his, um, label because he was freaking out, insisting that somebody was leaking information. Uh, and then he actually, he, he, he called me and he's like, please tell me it's you. No way. Yeah. He, he figured it out. Then he kind of said, please tell me it's you. I'm like, it's me. That's amazing.

[00:34:18] Like, tell me, is that literally you picked up the phone and he said those like not even higher. Like that was how he started the call. I don't remember, but he, I remember he, he basically, he called me and he was just like, he, he was desperate to find out if it was me after all, because it had gotten to a fever pitch. Like, oh, cause he had, he had even told, he had even asked the, the woman, my fake, the fake woman I created. He had emailed her like, please call me and gave his phone number. And this, yeah. And I didn't respond. And that, so that's why he was freaking out.

[00:34:47] I'm surprised. I'm legitimately knowing you. I'm surprised you didn't have like hire an actress basically to do this. Um, no, you know, I didn't want to push it. Um, no, yes. Yeah. Certainly you haven't pushed it. Um, what, uh, what, do you remember the, the fake lady's name? I don't, I wish I could. Yeah, I don't. There was, you know, it was 2000 ish. Yeah. 1999, 2000. Jesus. Wow. What happened, Jack? What happened? Yeah.

[00:35:17] You got old and irrelevant. Oh no. Uh, that is such, God, that is such a great story. And, and if for anyone who wonders who get confused, if it's really real, if, if there's a ride making it up, he would have had a funny name for the lady, but Brian legitimately doesn't remember. Cause I don't remember. That's amazing. But so anyway, that's a great level setter for the type of practical joker you are. Yes. Um, and my God, you have, you have pulled some on me in the past.

[00:35:45] So you, I remember you pulled a great practical joke on your wife. If I remember this right. Yeah. You, you pulled this great one on your wife. I don't remember if it was like the eve of your wedding, like the night before your wedding or the morning before your wedding, something around that time. Forgive me for forgetting the details where you pulled it on your, on your soon to be bride. Yeah. Tell us about that practical joke. Cause it was April fool's day. Yeah. So, um, a good friend of mine was a medical examiner. Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that.

[00:36:14] And Cody. And so, uh, you know, Cody was a medical examiner and I were, you know, we got married. We had the big, you know, the big wedding night was coming up. Yeah. And I was like, uh, Cody, you need to hook me up. Oh. And he's like, he's like, what do you need? What do you need? And I'm like, I said, I need you to go to your morgue and find me the biggest penis you can find. Yeah, that's right. He's like, dude, I, I could get in huge trouble. And he's like, what are you talking about?

[00:36:42] And I'm like, no, you know, they're not, they're dead. They don't need it anymore. Yep. I'm just starting my marriage. So I need some, I need a funny joke. Right. To get this thing up and running. And I, you know, I need you to find me, uh, the biggest penis you can find. Great. And he's like, okay, well you're, you're, you know, you're in luck. Oh. Because apparently, so he was in California. Okay.

[00:37:08] And in the, um, in the porno area and, and, and long. Yeah. The valley. He was in the valley in California where they produce all the pornography. Yeah. And it just so happens that a week earlier, uh, a gentleman by the name of long dong silver. Uh, had passed away. I remember. From, uh, of natural causes. I've, I finally took the armband off last year. Oh, you see, it's sad.

[00:37:36] You never forget, but eventually you just like, okay, we've got to move on. So he's like, okay. And I'm like, well, you know, he's like, what do you want me to do? You want photographs? I'm like, no, I need you to send it to me. And he, you know, there was a lot of hemming and hawing and I, ultimately I got him a gift certificate at Denny's. And so a couple of days later, package arrives in my house. Uh huh.

[00:38:01] It's a long box and I open it up and it's, uh, there it is. I couldn't believe it. That's great. He had put it on dry ice to keep it, you know, keep it from decomposing. Yeah, of course. Cause apparently when you're dead, you're, everything just starts falling apart. Yeah. I've heard. So, uh, so wedding night comes. Oh, it was your wedding night. That's right. Yeah. And the wedding night comes, all right. My, and my wife gets into bed. Love it.

[00:38:30] She's in bed and I come over in a bathrobe. Love it. Right. I'm in a bathrobe and you know, she's, she's hasn't seen me naked yet. Uh huh. Right. She's, you know, this is our, cause I, I want to do it old fashioned. We're very traditional. I know you are. So she hadn't seen me make it. This was going to be the big night. And so I walk up to her with my bathrobe and I'm about to open it up. Uh huh. And I go, wait a second, what's under the bed? And I get on my hands and knees and I look under the bed.

[00:38:59] I'm like, oh my God, there's a disembodied penis here. And so we wound up getting the hotel room for free. Then, then you just made love to your wife normal. Not really. I was kind of freaked out.

[00:39:30] But Hey, I mean, you saved 120 bucks. Saved a lot of money. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez. So I mean, it seems like a lot of work. You could have just sort of done the old, uh, you know, the cockroach in the, you know, in a soda can or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess a lot of unnecessary work. All right. You know, I just, it's the first time getting married. Okay. It's you're, you're taking this hard.

[00:39:59] I don't, I don't, it's not a criticism. I'm just, just asking questions. I'm sorry. It's okay. Don't, don't, I don't, I don't want to ruin the memory of your wedding night. Is there a, Now, Now, Brian, isn't there a menu item on the Denny's menu that's called the long dong silver? There is now. Yes.

[00:40:22] Because, uh, my, my friend Cody, the medical examiner was at Denny's using his gift card. Sure. When the FBI came in and, and charged him with mutilating a corpse and the manager of Denny's, you know, for whatever reason he overheard the conversation and he just thought that that would be a good menu item for pancakes with a lot of sausage. Right.

[00:40:51] There's the moons over my hammy. Yeah. And then the long dong silver. Okay. I always wondered how that got to be there. And now, you know, now I know no one's half the battle. Well, that's pretty awesome. Now I was, I remember there is a prank that you did sort of in the aftermath of nine 11, you know, whereas, you know, the Patriot Act and everything.

[00:41:16] And you hated the Patriot Act as much as you, you know, you're just a classic libertarian and that was reaching too far. And you, you sort of struck back that year, maybe it was 2002, I guess, April Fool's Day, 2002, where you, you really sort of struck back about against America's apparatus of spying on its own citizens. You might tell us about that prank. Uh, yeah, of course. Yeah. What happened?

[00:41:41] So I, um, I don't know if you remember, uh, the, the head of, uh, James Clapper. Yeah. Yes, of course. The, the head of intelligence. That's right. The director of intelligence. Um, so I knew his anniversary was coming up. Okay. And so I, I sent him a, a gift certificate. Okay.

[00:42:10] For a free flight, uh, in a helicopter around Manhattan. Amazing. Yeah. Okay. You're really a gift card guy. I am. I love gift cards. And so he gets his gift card and then I know he's going to exercise it cause he's in New York City. Mm hmm. And he makes the reservation with the, with the helicopter company. Okay. Okay. It's called, uh, skyline tours. Yeah. That sounds right. They, they, they go around the city.

[00:42:38] They take, and so then the night before his special tour. Yeah. I go to the helicopter and I filled a fuel tank with ping pong balls. Okay. Classic. That go on. Okay. So the, the pilot, the next day he gets in and he's, oh, I got a full tank of gas. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So they, I watched them take up and you can see them diggy, diggy, diggy, diggy, diggy, diggy, diggy, just going around. Yeah.

[00:43:07] Going around the city and I'm hoping he's having a great time. And then diggy, diggy, diggy, diggy, diggy. Cause it, cause the ping pong balls took the place of the gas. Yep. So even though it said full, there was, there was nothing in there. It's great. Classic. Classic. And so you just see, you see the, the rotors there. They're still spinning pretty fast. They're just, he's just losing a lot of speed. Yeah. So now you see, and I've got my binoculars that I got from LL Bean. They're really good.

[00:43:37] And they have a great return policy. So after this was over, I brought them back and got my money back. But I've got these great binoculars and I'm watching, I see the, the panicked expression on a clapper's face and I see the pilot. Now he's being very professional. He's not losing it. Yeah. He's like a Sully kind of character. Yeah. So he's just very focused. He's trying to figure out why the, why the fuel tank says it's, it's full yet. He's, his engines now off and he, you can see him switch, you're doing a little switching

[00:44:05] and going through the checklist, trying to figure out what, what to do. And also looking for a place to hard land a helicopter in a big metropolitan city. Yep. All right. Yeah. And you know, he's trying to make his way back to the landing pad. Mm hmm. And then I just hold up this big banner. It says April fools constitution hater. And you see, I remember looking at, looking at clapper and he looks down at me and he just

[00:44:34] reads it and he's like, and you just see him mouthing like what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then it comes in and you know, fortunately the pilot was really good. Right. Thank God. And he, he came in and did a really good hard landing. Mm hmm. Uh, cause when I've tried that prank before it hasn't ended well in the grand Canyon. Uh, but like this, this guy knew what he was doing. So clappers, you know, should consider himself extremely lucky to have enjoyed that prank and lived to tell about it. Yeah.

[00:45:02] That didn't they make a movie about one of your pranks that didn't go as well as called black Hawk down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was in Somalia. You know, they don't really do April fools there. Oh, it's like a culture thing. Yeah. It was a culture. So, you know, and they did the hard landing and then all the locals just came out and started shooting, which is not what I expected. Hey man, April fools. You can't always control it, bro. No, no.

[00:45:30] And that, you know, the, the sad thing is that the crew, you know, they knew I was involved. So they were primed for an April fools joke. So they actually didn't take the Somalis seriously. They probably thought this is part of, this is Brian is going to shoot confetti. Yeah. And they just, they were like that Brian and goofball. And then I, you know, I wish they, I had held up a sign that said April fools, but not here. And they, they didn't see that. And that's on the extended cut.

[00:45:59] If I, if I get the Blu-ray. If you get the, yeah. If you get the Blu-ray. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Cause Netflix doesn't carry it anymore. Why is that? Cause of the disclaimer. What, what was the disclaimer? That these men are dead because of a retarded guy. So the FBI thing they added to it. I didn't know the FBI made people put up disclaimers. They do. They do. They warn you not to copy the movie. And then they, and then they warn you if a retarded person is behind it. That seems like overreach.

[00:46:30] I think it is. Maybe you could prank the head of the FBI. I'm thinking about it, but you know, Cash Patel does not seem like a funny guy. No, he does not. Happy April fools, Brian. Thanks, Jack. Well, Brian, we are out of show. Like George Lowe is out of air in his lungs. Oh, it's sad. I know. But to honor George, a super funny, super nice, super talented guy. One of your great friends.

[00:47:00] Let's, let's hear a final, let's hear a final George Lowe bit. Yes, Jack. This is Num Num. Okay. Small people want smoke, no problem. Num Num. Num Num for two years in a row. Best restaurant 1991-92. Conyers Restaurant Guide. Num Num. Delicious food all time. Glazed Buddha pod.

[00:47:28] Happy repeated delight. Delicious medley of pork, seafood, and other things. And for dessert, have a nice steaming bowl of dwangi meow. Num Num. Sit next to pretty fish tank, but don't tap. Fish get annoyed when tap. Quanti gnaw tu sui nyan sii toi nyan. Say that good free spring roll at Num Num. Look at gift shop. Nice gifts. Beautiful umbrella go and drink. Happy Buddha soinkie. Chang di enjoyment bowl. You eat then I'm going to gift shop.

[00:47:58] Gimp. She say you almost finished with supper. I need table for bigger party. Monday through Thursday, 11 to 1 o'clock. Try businessman buffet. Hey, 1.15, you go now. Buffet closed. Num Num nice. No credit cards. Cash. Num Num open Saturdays from 5 p.m. Till 10 p.m. 10.15, you go now.

[00:48:29] Again, we're playing someone else's work. My God. I can't believe we're going to put that on our show. That's so. God, that's funny. What? The businessman special. You know, it's funny stuff. Oh, God. George. Wow. Yeah. Again, he cites 1991, 92, which is, you know, probably around the time this was written and created. Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

[00:48:59] But the production value. So it's not just he's not just a voiceover artist. Yeah. And, you know, he's doing the num num voice. And then you can hear his sort of proper voice as the announcer at the end. Yeah. But it's the gong. It's the music. It's the, I mean, that's a well-produced fake bit. Yeah. Yeah. There's another one he did called the stars of the NBA nativity scene. And I wish I could find it, but I think it might be on another hard drive I have elsewhere. Oh, man.

[00:49:28] That sounds really funny. Well, there was a jumbo sale. Okay. His whole thing was called jumbo sale. But that same kind of just all over the place, funny little stuff, constantly, you know, joke after joke after joke. Yeah. Good stuff. Oh, jumbo sale. Brian, what do you think is the best way for listeners to honor the memory of George Lowe? I don't have an aortic dissection.

[00:49:59] Okay. I mean, anything about like giving us a nice review? Yes, Jack. A great way to honor George's memory is to review our show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's what he would want. Yeah. Not to put words in his mouth, but I think that's what he would want. Absolutely. But speaking of reviews, there's a, Andrew Heaton got a review. No kidding. We had Heaton on the show a couple of weeks ago. The guy's name is Sympathetic Crack Enthusiast.

[00:50:31] Great. Just says, so glad you got Andrew back for one of your biannual episodes. That's all. The Queen Elizabeth bit from his previous appearance is also one of the great episodes. Wow. Also, Heaton's book is excellent. And yeah, I have his book actually. I always buy the books of people I know. Yeah. Yeah. So thank you. That's amazing. What a great. We have 4.9 stars, Jack. That's pretty darn good. Not high enough because it can go up to five. And so if you're listening and haven't done it. We got dinged with a four. That's why. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:51:01] Sad. Sad when it happens to you. Yeah. Well, if you tried harder that episode. I will. No. In the past, if you had tried harder in that episode. Sorry. I'm sorry. Unless you're in the FBI, please review us. That was Questionable Material with Jack and Brian. Subscribe on any podcast platform. Visit us at qmpodcast.com.