Colonoscopy woes. Rock-solid sponsor. Coloring books for kids. Brian's off to Cyprus. qmpodcast.com
[00:00:00] You're listening to Questionable Material with Jack and Brian, a mostly improvised podcast
[00:00:09] produced in New York by Jack Helmuth and Brian Sack, QMpodcast.com Hi Brian, hello Jack!
[00:00:22] How the heck are you buddy? I'm doing great how are you I'm excited for tomorrow.
[00:00:27] Oh what's tomorrow? Tomorrow I have a date with Dr. Mohadjir. Oh Dr. Mohadjir? I mean you said
[00:00:37] doctors so I'll say he with confidence how is how is how is he as a doctor? He sounds like a fun guy.
[00:00:44] I don't really know because when I see him I'm not conscious. Oh so you're you're going to be
[00:00:53] having some sort of special operation or procedure tomorrow. He just wants to look in my bum Jack.
[00:01:01] Oh now in Brian's speak bum means rear end or butt yes he's gonna you're so you're going
[00:01:10] to let this suppose a doctor look in your rear end. I he said I need to have a colonoscopy
[00:01:18] and which is when they put a garden hose with a camera in your bum after you've had your poop
[00:01:25] o'drink. Like are you talking about a red bull? No no a poop o'drink is a drink that doesn't taste
[00:01:36] like poop well like Red Bull does it actually makes you poop all day long Jack the day before
[00:01:42] your colonoscopy they give you a poop o'drink and you drink the poop o'drink and nothing else because
[00:01:47] you can only have water because everything else mucks up the system for them when they get in
[00:01:51] there with their garden hose camera. So you have your poop o'drink and you spend your day going uh-oh
[00:01:58] gotta go to the bathroom. So you're currently uh in that stage you've been drinking your poop o'drink
[00:02:05] today and it's spent much of your day on the toilet? I've had my poop o'drink Jack and I have another
[00:02:11] poop o'drink at 8.30 pm. Wow and then there'll be nothing left Jack. I will be clean in pristine
[00:02:19] like the day I was born. Uh I have been around newborns recently and I can tell you that that area
[00:02:25] isn't as clean and pristine as one would think. Yeah I remember that that's kind of nasty I forgot
[00:02:30] but yeah like a like a clean baby a cleaner baby than yours. Yeah she's filthy. Yeah she is really
[00:02:37] disgusting. Thank you. Um so so okay so you're having a colonoscopy tomorrow is this your first?
[00:02:45] No no is this five years ago? So five years ago so that would be when you were around 48-ish
[00:02:53] 49 something like that. Was that the first colonoscopy you've ever had you've only had one before?
[00:02:58] No no I've I was in colonoscopy club in high school.
[00:03:06] Oh I was in I was in robotics. Yeah I couldn't get into robotics that was full it was a high
[00:03:12] in demand I wasn't much of an athlete but this gentleman had a colonoscopy club. Okay
[00:03:20] and yeah I mean he wasn't technically didn't teach at the school he just lingered
[00:03:27] and so he had a colonoscopy club. Okay so you discovered him on the grounds of the school
[00:03:35] but not necessarily the inside of the school. Yeah no he was in his car he had a he had an
[00:03:40] old mobile station wagon back in the day it's very big like a battleship
[00:03:46] and he would sit then I would exit the school of course near the end of the school day and he
[00:03:51] would flash his lights on his old mobile which meant the colonoscopy club was in session.
[00:03:56] Oh that's really exciting and so you would get in and um you would go to some sort of like
[00:04:02] what he rent out a space at though at like a local community center or something?
[00:04:06] I don't know because I was always unconscious.
[00:04:13] How long from the time you entered the old mobile were you conscious?
[00:04:19] Well you get into the old mobile this is how the club work. Okay you know I schools out
[00:04:23] I see the headlights flash on the old mobile station wagon yeah walk over I knock on the side
[00:04:29] window I get in and then he opens out his thermos. Okay he had he had a big red thermos I used to
[00:04:35] call it big red and we all had a chuckle about that. That's cute and so he'd pour me a little drink
[00:04:39] from his thermos and I'd sip it and just like the movie The Vanishing I'd fall asleep.
[00:04:45] That's awesome and what would vanish by the time you woke up?
[00:04:49] Well my pants obviously because you can't have colonoscopy club with pants on Jack.
[00:04:54] It's a really good point yeah so um basically you know before you know the club is over
[00:05:00] and that's one of the things I kind of regret is that I didn't really get to experience the club
[00:05:04] itself just kind of the before and after. Yeah what was the after like?
[00:05:10] The after was the car would be in a different position usually somewhere in the parking lot
[00:05:16] and sure you would just kind of reach across and open up the passenger door and kind of usher me out
[00:05:21] okay yeah. And so each time I mean did he ever find any polyps or anything concert because
[00:05:27] that's definitely young for a colonoscopy you know what was the sort of medical reports you would
[00:05:32] get each time. Well he said it was preventive medicine. He said he didn't see any polyps per
[00:05:38] say but he wasn't quite sure and he'd come back next week and check on that club. Typically you
[00:05:42] go five years in between I don't expect you as a boy to have known that. I didn't know a lot
[00:05:47] back then Jack you know you're young and you're naive in a lot of ways and you go by what the
[00:05:52] adults tell you. Sure it really is a shame that your mother got sick and passed away because I feel
[00:05:57] like this might have been prevented. It would have been something I might have run by her and said
[00:06:01] what do you think about colonoscopy club mom and she might have said I love it I hate it. I don't
[00:06:05] know I'll never know. You never know. So you know were there any lasting changes after colonoscopy club
[00:06:13] because you know a lot of times people for example I learned recently that if you're in
[00:06:17] if you make the rank of equal scout and the boy scouts you're statistically much much more likely
[00:06:24] to go to the college of your choice that there's a correlation so that's sort of like a club
[00:06:30] or activity where you can see a cool result for later in life. Have you found that you've had
[00:06:35] any cool results later in life from colonoscopy club? I kind of did yeah I mean I know I got a lot
[00:06:41] of solicitations to be a pen pal for prisoners. Oh this is another community service type program
[00:06:49] I guess. I don't know they just kind of came out of the blue and started arriving at the house
[00:06:53] and I would get all these solicitations saying I've heard about you your polyp free let's talk.
[00:07:00] So you began to get a reputation in town? Yeah small town big reputation.
[00:07:09] So did you start to like walk with like a little bit of a swagger as you like you know got into
[00:07:13] your like junior and senior years that you're sort of like this big shot in colonoscopy club?
[00:07:18] Well no because the all the repeat colonoscopies kind of take their toll.
[00:07:23] Oh yeah I guess that would make sense. I had a hard time sitting a hard time walking it wasn't great
[00:07:30] it's odd that you keep going to the club because it seems like you got very little from it.
[00:07:34] Well I did get something from it and that is in my yearbook it says colonoscopy club one two three four
[00:07:41] wow do you know nothing else? Yeah and I have nothing else. So that really sticks out.
[00:07:49] Yeah no that sticks out indeed. Did you letter in colonoscopy club and were the letters AIDS?
[00:07:57] I did not letter shoot. Shoot. Well it sounds like that wasn't really a thing that was offered.
[00:08:08] Yeah I would get asked him. I wanted to ask for a letter but I was always unconscious
[00:08:13] and before I know it I'm being ushered out the passenger door. Yeah well it's so glad.
[00:08:20] It doesn't mean over a gesture get out in my car please. See you next week.
[00:08:26] Man it's tough tough whatever happened to your colonoscopy club uh club leader?
[00:08:32] Well he writes to me now from prison. Cool.
[00:08:38] Hey Brian. Hi Jack that was a fun segment. You're a fun segment Jack you're a little fun segment.
[00:08:46] Do you mean that? Yeah. Oh thank you are you a sweet boy? I want to join my club.
[00:08:55] I can have a hose in my bum Jack. I know you are that's got to be uh yeah that's a tough one
[00:09:01] to look for too. This is a true story I'm like all the nonsense we normally do. This is a true story
[00:09:08] I win in for an endoscopy. What is that? The other end?
[00:09:15] Yes it goes through your mouth because I was having a little acid reflux and they wanted
[00:09:19] to look down the mouth so um I go into my doctor's office it's the same doctor who performed
[00:09:25] with my colonoscopy when I had my colonoscopy. So I go into the pre-op area where this is like
[00:09:30] a little bit area and the nurse instructs me you know take off all your clothes um wear this gown
[00:09:37] uh and I'll be back in five minutes and I said all my clothes and she's like yeah and I'm like
[00:09:42] you I mean should I at least leave on my underwear? And she's like no I go okay that's a weird end
[00:09:47] oscopy so take off all my clothes wear the little paper thing I'm completely buck naked
[00:09:53] and she comes back in and we're sort of getting ready and she's about to take me out
[00:09:57] and I say are you sure that I'm supposed to like have all my clothes off? Because that gives a
[00:10:01] little chilly and it is that it was weird she's like yeah for sure. And then that's when I decided
[00:10:06] to be like you do realize this is an endoscopy right? And she said oh what oh oh oh well never
[00:10:15] mind then come back you can put on your clothes back yeah underwear and t shirt is fine or whatever
[00:10:19] she said she prepped me for a colonoscopy. Oh my god. And I was like seconds away from
[00:10:27] going in there and just just a naked man. And uh that's a true story. I mean it's not as bad as
[00:10:32] having the wrong leg amputated but still undesirable yeah undesirable like I can't do it.
[00:10:41] Exactly hopefully those are different tubes. Yeah you think yeah so anyway.
[00:10:46] I just remember the last time I looked up I woke up a little groggy and I look and I look over
[00:10:51] and I so in my mind it was going to be a tiny fiber optic camera. Uh-huh just a little wire with
[00:10:57] a tiny magical camera on the end that was and when I woke up I saw what looked like a black garden hose
[00:11:03] just coiled on a table and I said is that the thing? And he said yeah that's the thing and I just
[00:11:11] said oh how. I just don't I don't know how I just you know and now that I know what's coming
[00:11:20] I'm preparing myself. Well how are you preparing yourself?
[00:11:25] I am going to Hell's Kitchen. There's a club called the Eagle.
[00:11:31] I'm gonna go in there and ask some people buy me drinks Jack but only
[00:11:36] colorless drinks can't have any color with a colonoscopy it needs to be just vodka.
[00:11:42] So vodka soda. I'll be like vodka soda boys and you can have your way get me ready for this
[00:11:47] colonoscopy. Boy the damage that was done in your youth. I do miss coloroscopy clubs.
[00:11:59] Well and it will Brian I will be thinking about you tomorrow in a very normal friendly way
[00:12:07] and I hope everything goes well and good luck please let us know what they find in an
[00:12:11] upcoming podcast. Thank you I'll give you a poll update. That would be a great idea.
[00:12:17] So you know we got a little business to take care of Brian. Uh oh what?
[00:12:22] Well today's episode of Questionable Material with Jack and the other guy is not silent
[00:12:28] no it's not silent partners it is not silent partners this week
[00:12:33] you can still find silent partners at whatever their website is I don't remember
[00:12:39] yeah that that's weird without that money it's hard to remember
[00:12:43] yeah don't remember I don't remember I don't remember it didn't know no clue I think wait a
[00:12:48] minute didn't they change their name to copy partners I think copy yeah or partners plus copy
[00:12:55] silence. That sounds familiar well you know if that next round of checks comes in I'm sure we'll be
[00:13:02] able to remember so this week Brian we have a different sponsor and this is a sponsor that I'm
[00:13:07] very excited about because it is a man. Oh just a man? It's a man is this is sponsoring our
[00:13:17] project and what's actually a woman sponsoring it on behalf of her man. Oh a woman on behalf
[00:13:26] of a man yes so real woman on behalf of a real man. Yes this is all real this is 100% real
[00:13:33] okay today's podcast is sponsored by Jamie Brainerd he's a geologist and on March 23rd
[00:13:43] we will be celebrating all of America will be celebrating Jamie's 37th birthday.
[00:13:49] Happy birthday. Happy birthday Jamie and how cool is that his wife reached out to us emailed us
[00:13:56] and said hey would you mind letting me know how much it would cost to sponsor the podcast in honor
[00:14:02] of my husband's 37th birthday and after some 25,000 I did say why he actually said 7 million
[00:14:09] dollars and we she talked me down to the 100 150 dollar range. Oh okay that's something right
[00:14:19] yeah yeah yeah yeah I just got head I just got really excited for a second I was picturing a new
[00:14:25] Jeep maybe with four doors well I'm excited well I'm well after Jamie's next 20 30 birthday's if
[00:14:40] this becomes a recurring sponsorship deal I bet you could get a car of some kind he's a geologist
[00:14:48] he he is a geologist it's really exciting and how cool is this wife her name is Sam love Sam
[00:14:55] she's getting like major wife points for sort of doing this this this thing what like it's what
[00:15:02] a great that's so she knows he likes the podcast so she sponsored an ad on the podcast for his
[00:15:08] birthday that's very nice because my wife would do the opposite well what she do I tell her I like
[00:15:14] a podcast and she tries to get it canceled for hate speech right that's right and your wife
[00:15:23] is not a big hate speech person she just she really hates you she wants me to not enjoy podcasts
[00:15:29] and I said oh honey I love the Liberty Boys and next thing you know she started a letter writing
[00:15:34] campaign against the Liberty Boys I mean right there he was talking about the first amendment
[00:15:40] yeah what's the big problem it's really strange now so but I was thinking about this because
[00:15:48] that you and I know each other for so long now it feels like you were talking about a Jamie
[00:15:54] brainer that you guys used to hang out isn't that right yes like before I used to hang out with Jamie
[00:16:00] yes yeah like before he sort of became a geologist back when he's sort of still trying to find
[00:16:04] himself yeah and now didn't you tell me that he did some sort of because you guys were buddies
[00:16:10] and didn't he do some sort of like like foreign exchange student thing where he went to
[00:16:15] that he lived with the Kadafi family in Libya is that right he did live with the Kadafi family yes
[00:16:20] so it was like it was a Uday and Kusay the exact same names as Saddam's kids yeah
[00:16:26] and Jamie brainer yeah he was he was he was living with them initially back in the in the
[00:16:36] alive days for the Kadafi family and he was an it was an exchange program it was very you know
[00:16:42] very unusual but you know he's he had always expressed an interest in rocks and you know on
[00:16:48] the geology path and he knew Libya was one of the rockier places in north and Africa sure and so
[00:16:56] he thought you know the closer he can get to rocks the better and so he you know didn't quite know
[00:17:01] what he was getting into with the Kadafi family they they had some zany adventures I love just
[00:17:08] like a muppet movie I love zany adventures yeah well where's over the crazy shenanigans that the
[00:17:15] the the Kadafi boys and Jamie brainer would would get into back in the day well Uday had a
[00:17:22] reputation for kind of showing up at weddings oh and taking the bride that's sort of a wedding
[00:17:31] crashers type of thing it was it it's definitely a wedding crashing thing and so he brought Jamie
[00:17:35] along for the rights he gonna love this watch this and he just pulled up with his entourage a very
[00:17:40] scary man and uh strolled into the wedding pointed at the bride his good his gentleman I grabbed the
[00:17:46] bride they they pop back in the car and they drove off that's goofy what these goofy shenanigans
[00:17:51] the kids would get into and so this is where Jamie comes in oh okay that's perfect so Uday says
[00:17:58] you know we're find me a decent cave do you know how to find good caves and he goes yes I know I'm
[00:18:03] into geology and I can tell from the landscape where there will be a good cave oh it's perfect
[00:18:09] what a perfect synergy here continue please that's what Uday kept saying we have such synergy we have
[00:18:14] such synergy help me take this woman to cave and so Jamie would look at the strata on the rocks
[00:18:21] and he could be like okay based on what I'm looking at over there there should be some kind of a cave
[00:18:26] or some kind of private place you can take this bride to be that's great and so so Jamie completely
[00:18:33] willingly did this absolutely yeah I mean he said um you know this I can't wait you know to
[00:18:41] I hope someday you come to my wedding and crash it was he able to attend Jamie and Sam's wedding
[00:18:49] no actually he was destroyed by several anti tank weapons that were fired into his compound
[00:18:57] unfortunately those killed him very much so man it's a good thing Jamie wasn't still a foreign exchange
[00:19:04] you at that point no no Jamie had left by then because you know he he was in Libya but he was kind
[00:19:11] of prining for Sam he had he had been with Sam in high school and then they went their separate ways
[00:19:18] and then he started thinking like man I kind of missed that Sam girl
[00:19:23] all these girls I keep putting in caves none of them sort of hold a candle to Sam
[00:19:28] they don't you know they she just kept thinking that he's just like all these you know there's so
[00:19:32] many caves but none of these caves bring me happiness Sam Sam made me happy maybe she and I could
[00:19:40] go live in a cave somewhere yeah America it's so nice man this I love this right and so
[00:19:48] so what sort of things would would you and because that's pretty crazy but what sort of like I
[00:19:53] imagine with the stuff that you and Jamie did when you guys were friends were much more mild than
[00:19:59] that sort of crazy thing yeah well I mean we were walking on the beach you're James to do that
[00:20:05] yeah Jamie and I would walk on the beach Sam always said no and so like when I was walking on
[00:20:11] the beach with Jamie I'd see rocks you know beaches have lots of rocks and I'd be yeah I'm like Jamie
[00:20:18] what is the name of that rock and he looked down and he got out and he picked it up on the ground
[00:20:24] he kind of looked at he washed it in the sea water and was looking at it as white thing
[00:20:29] and he looked at me and he said Braden. Braden? Braden and I said okay what's the name of that rock
[00:20:39] and he picked it up and he dipped it in the water and he looked at it it was kind of a
[00:20:44] bluish had a blue tint to it is definitely different and he said Kaden. Braden and Kaden
[00:20:51] Braden and he went down the whole beach and he named all those rocks and I was incredibly impressed
[00:20:57] that's cool so he so he had no idea what they were composed of or what they're like scientific
[00:21:04] games were but he chose the time yeah to name and personalize each and every one of them
[00:21:10] yeah he had absolutely no idea what the actual rock words were but when it came to naming
[00:21:16] the rocks he's amazing nonstop so Jamie is a geologist who yes conspired with the
[00:21:23] cadaphas doesn't know quote rock words and quotes and any other sort of things that we don't
[00:21:31] we should know about Jamie from your extensive time with him yes oh my gosh what oh he loves
[00:21:37] the Rolling Stones. Does he like all rock and roll? He likes to rock his wedding song was I want to rock
[00:21:55] right and I hear Sam was really upset when they opened all the gifts anything else we should know
[00:22:00] about Jamie before we move on yeah oh good tell me please he cries when he sees lava
[00:22:11] why is that Brian? It's melted Jack it's melted rock so it's like to him he sees lava and it's like
[00:22:21] like rock it's like frosty the snowman I guess here's a nice way of putting it yeah frosty the
[00:22:26] snowman okay so he so he just every time he sees lava he just sobs like a little like a little baby I'll
[00:22:31] say it yeah yeah he and Sam was right they went to Iceland for their honeymoon oh I didn't know
[00:22:38] that that's cool and there's a volcano there called hardrick hawkle fight cooler and while they were
[00:22:45] there it started leaking lava sure and the poor guy just started screaming and crying oh and he
[00:22:53] was he was inconsolable and Sam was just like it's okay it's okay I mean at some point
[00:23:00] it'll cool down and become a rock again and he's like yeah but right now it's lava and it's melted
[00:23:06] they love it so much and so so it was the rest of the honeymoon good and were they able to
[00:23:13] you know really connect and you know you know finally sort of be man and wife
[00:23:18] unfortunately no oh no yeah just the lava trauma was too much
[00:23:27] the lava trauma really it kind of set him off but what was worse than that was at the same time
[00:23:34] ironically he started passing a kidney stone
[00:23:38] that must have been a real mixed bag for old Jamie Brainerd he was torn because you know it
[00:23:47] was excruciating but in his mind he was giving birth to a stone and he loved it so much
[00:23:55] oh that stuff
[00:23:59] and he he alternate between screaming and pain and laughed it with joy and at some point the stone
[00:24:06] passed and he named it Dishana
[00:24:14] where is Dishana now? Dishana is on the shelf in their home
[00:24:20] it's higher up because they've got he's got kids what are their ages like three and one or
[00:24:25] something like that three and one I think yeah yeah although you know and he keeps looking at them
[00:24:31] he'll look at the kids and we like in geologic time you're nothing you're nothing but it's got to
[00:24:35] be tough for a three-year-older here it's tough for the kid to process and Sam's constantly like
[00:24:40] please stop saying that to your child you're just you're gonna screw up the kid you just don't say
[00:24:45] that and he just can't help himself because he looks at things in in geologic time and these three
[00:24:50] years is nothing one years is nothing man I mean the thing you always hear growing up is you don't
[00:24:56] want a geologist as a dad and I guess this is sort of what that old axiom is about yeah I think
[00:25:01] that's what Carl Sagan was talking about you know who else talked about that extensively
[00:25:10] who Pat Benatar you're right you know what they're doing for their his birthday is 37th yeah
[00:25:19] 37 yeah what I hope I'm not spoiling this but she's taking him to a movie oh my gosh well that
[00:25:25] sounds like a fun date night especially when you have two little kids what what movie are they
[00:25:28] gonna go see rocky well right that's about as much I think that's all of our geology
[00:25:44] content that we could possibly do I am out of rock jokes Jack yes yeah do do ten solid minutes
[00:25:51] geology I'd say that's pretty good bang for the buck I would imagine the brainer family did
[00:25:57] think they did well on that sponsorship deal you know Sam was telling me that if we didn't do it for
[00:26:04] for Jamie yeah she was gonna send her a hundred dollars to cameo uh and get a recording from Roger
[00:26:10] Stone you still have that one joke left had two it was there oh my gosh okay well Brian let's
[00:26:25] shift away now from the brainers again they got their hundred hundred fifty dollars worth out of that
[00:26:31] and anyone else would like to sponsor the podcast please reach out to jack at qmpodcast.com
[00:26:38] you are the man I want to talk to you about a story that I saw in the news um well because this is
[00:26:43] you know involving you uh in New York City the city where we both live or live around during black
[00:26:52] history month uh a school in Parkslope Brooklyn my old neighborhood where I live for 16 years
[00:26:59] a school ps321 which is like the big school in Parkslope it's it's on on real estate ads it's you know
[00:27:07] a zone for ps321 that's so that's the one that everybody wants to get their kids into that's
[00:27:13] exactly right because all the other ones are terrible kind of like here in the Greenwich Village
[00:27:19] you have ps41 and ps3 those are the quote unquote good schools right so everybody tries to get
[00:27:26] their kids in those yes perfect perfect uh comedy for example that's great
[00:27:35] so yes exactly so now what they they're they made news this school ps321 a K through 5 school
[00:27:43] in ultra progressive Parkslope where uh kids were given a coloring book that extolled the 13 tenants
[00:27:50] of the black lives matter movement mother of god seriously yep at the book is called this is
[00:27:57] 100% true is what we believe a black lives matter principles activity book and it used kid-friendly
[00:28:07] illustrations to get across their sort of ideas and here are some of the pages featured things like
[00:28:18] queer affirming which I'm not sure why that's a black lives matter thing but whatever transgender
[00:28:23] affirming and we're of course restorative justice that's the best one restorative justice it's
[00:28:28] really good and it teaches that the movement's national demands which include to mandate black history
[00:28:35] and ethnic studies to hire more black teachers and to fund counselors not cops who has given
[00:28:43] to every student in the school I mean they're a little fun black lives matter coloring book
[00:28:49] I'm sure that went over well uh I'm sure in that neighborhood it probably did so you know I
[00:28:55] know that you're how did you get the job because you're on the black lives matter um yes voting council
[00:29:04] yeah how did you get that before we get into the coloring book and what you guys sort of did with
[00:29:08] that how did you because I'll I'll say I don't know how to say it your white yeah I know you
[00:29:14] identify as white yeah I mean I tried to identify as black but I didn't pull it off
[00:29:22] you got mad at me why what did you do that was that got people met at you
[00:29:27] I well I tried to identify as black I tried wrapping okay well I mean well Ben Shapiro then
[00:29:35] everyone rap single in an American but why could could you not rap or you a poor rapper
[00:29:41] no but I was wearing black face and that's where apparently they draw the line
[00:29:45] it's a lot of rules you gotta keep up with it's hard to know they just keep changing you never
[00:29:49] know when you're breaking the law so you got dressed up in black face and and because you're
[00:29:54] identifying as black and where would you perform these wraps uh at the St. Regis Center for the blind
[00:30:03] why did you need the black face same question everybody's been asking me and I you know I just wanted
[00:30:09] to be thorough okay and so so this got people mad at you oh yeah I would say yeah they got they
[00:30:18] came after me um but I was able to overcome it well like like so many black Americans you've
[00:30:28] overcome a lot to get where you are I just I said listen if the prime minister of Canada can get
[00:30:34] away with it why can't I it's a fair question so okay all right so how so you identify as black
[00:30:43] but they yes how did you how were you welcomed on to the voting board of the council for black lives
[00:30:50] matter I mean it's such an interesting it doesn't seem like you would be a good fit there
[00:30:55] well it just so happened that one of the Patrice I call her Patrice Miss colors uh you know
[00:31:05] one of the heads of the movement um had her eye on a piece of property that I had owned oh
[00:31:15] and she came to me and said I'd like to buy that property with my black lives matter money
[00:31:21] and I'd said um okay well um let's work out a deal okay I like it so I cut her I cut her
[00:31:30] some slack in return for being part of her organization because I thought you know if there's
[00:31:36] something in it for her maybe there's something in it for me that's great so okay I guess that
[00:31:43] makes sense and so what was it like sort of your first day on the job and on the council for
[00:31:49] black lives matter uh there was a lot of who's the honky who's the honky and you know I just kind
[00:31:55] of would wave and be friendly I've always learned to just kind of you know let people say what
[00:32:00] they're gonna say and just let it roll off your back like duck duck blood on a gondola and so
[00:32:06] you know they would say who's the honky who's the honky and I just kind of wave smile and
[00:32:11] and not acknowledge the fact that they were pointing at me in whispering okay so that was your
[00:32:16] subway ride to work but what was it like at work oh when I walked in there they were fine they're
[00:32:21] like you know nice to have you on board um pale face the I mean I don't know why they called me that
[00:32:26] that was an Indian thing yeah it's weird you didn't hurt my feelings at all because I mean it might
[00:32:31] have hurt my feelings in the 1800s but for now it's fine I'll take it a little cultural
[00:32:36] appropriation but we're not gonna open that can of worms okay so you got on the board of black
[00:32:41] lives matter that's fascinating so tell us about the meeting where you guys came up with like what
[00:32:47] were some of the other ideas that you guys had to reach children to help um indoctrinate or
[00:32:53] strike that from the record to educate children uh in all the important tenants of black lives
[00:32:59] matter as them well because I made a presentation there and I said listen you know you gotta get into
[00:33:06] kids brains young that's how you make stuff stick um if you get them young and you start drilling
[00:33:12] the stuff into their heads then these ideas it's hard for these ideas to go away and I said you
[00:33:19] know perfect example and I had a slide showing I said look Hamas I said you get the you get a three-year-old
[00:33:25] kid you put this crap in their head day after day after day and by the time they're 15 uh they
[00:33:30] they're throwing rocks at Jews with wild abandon they're happy to sure I mean look I don't want to
[00:33:39] tell the people in the middle east had a parent but I mean my kids are throwing rocks at Jews that
[00:33:43] you know as soon as they could throw as soon as they were walking you guys you guys are very hands on
[00:33:48] thank well thank you not everyone parents the same as we do so I don't want to criticize
[00:33:53] but so I said this is what you know this is how you do it let's get to the kids now where do we
[00:33:58] find kids somebody said school I said great idea school that's where kids are right unless of course
[00:34:03] the teachers unions shut them down during covid and then they're not there they're just at home
[00:34:08] a lot harder to get in their homes but now they're back in schools right then that makes sense
[00:34:13] so you you had this realization that you needed to reach the kids yes and you had to sort of school
[00:34:18] things so what like what were some of the ways you know before you got to the coloring book idea
[00:34:22] what were some of your ways uh you know to teach kids the important um
[00:34:28] facets of black lives matter well obviously puppets
[00:34:33] hmm come in you know when you're trying to reach kids puppets are a great way to do it
[00:34:38] you make a funny looking puppet and the puppet you know if it's got a funny enough looking face
[00:34:44] you're not really paying attention to the message if the message is kill the cops
[00:34:49] you know but if it's got funny googly eyes it kind of kind of takes the edge off of that message
[00:34:55] so that's so you had you created like a little puppet family like you know tells about like
[00:35:00] you know a couple of your puppet characters and the little plays that you would put on
[00:35:04] well there was Glorzo and he would his catch phrase was all cops are bastards
[00:35:12] okay so that was his thing it's kind of like you hey you guys that kind of thing yeah that's
[00:35:17] funny but it was just all cops are bastards kind of in this this kind of creepy maybe on
[00:35:23] antidepressants monotone oh Glorzo yeah okay and who did Glorzo hang out with
[00:35:31] Sneedle a Sneedle what was what did Sneedle like to talk to the kids about
[00:35:37] late-stage capitalism okay what would like uh what would a a a Sneedle monologue or or less
[00:35:47] and be like just about about fighting the system and fighting capitalism and that socialism is
[00:35:53] the way forward but would you include like little funny jokes to make it more kid friendly sort of
[00:36:00] like the muppets your favorites uh no more like he dropped a lot of Lenin quotes Lenin quotes like
[00:36:08] ow ow I've been shot I was just outside my apartment I almost made it in uh hell by bleeding it
[00:36:14] hurts so much it hurts oh god I'm gonna die I'm too rich and young to die I got we're talking
[00:36:21] about Vladimir Lenin not John John Vladimir Lenin the beetle well different people oh my gosh
[00:36:28] I that's embarrassing that's okay you know that's a history thing well I'm sorry go please go ahead
[00:36:33] I forgot where I was you were talking about a Lenin quote oh yeah so instead of saying we need
[00:36:39] to shoot the kool-ox he says we need to tickle the kool-ox you know we take the edge off
[00:36:45] that's that seems confusing for kids but I you know best yeah that's that's really
[00:36:51] what and you you you had some sort of like little um sort of like uh you you had a lot of this
[00:36:56] black lives matter uh money because you know so much money came in for donations that yeah for the
[00:37:01] couple of dollars there were left that weren't used for personal real estate um you guys made some
[00:37:06] sort of like cool commercial aimed at kids right yeah so what was that what was that sort of
[00:37:11] commercial like because I like this had to err on on TV yeah it was a TV spot but when you know
[00:37:17] and on all the kids channels okay okay well that makes sense so what was it like I mean normally
[00:37:22] it's like serial commercials and toys and you know that sort of thing on on kids TV what was
[00:37:29] this commercial like it's it's aimed at kids and it just says hey kids you know how's it going
[00:37:36] listen you know everybody's parents have a place where they keep stuff
[00:37:41] and our our game is to find it let's play find the stuff okay and who's who's giving this message
[00:37:48] uh the it's a spokesman for the organization okay got it but he's it's a very charming and warm
[00:37:56] looking praise kind of like a mr. Rogers for our time mm-hmm and he just he has a little dance
[00:38:02] in his step and he just says hey let's and he and there's a he dances through the house and he shows
[00:38:06] places where your parents might hide valuables uh huh that's fun game encourages kids to
[00:38:13] gather up anything they find that looks kind of cool or shiny and put it in a box and bring it
[00:38:18] to the UPS store and send it to the address that the UPS store has pre-printed labels yes it is
[00:38:30] they're working with the organization and they slap the labels on there and uh and then
[00:38:36] Patrice colors gets another house and everybody's happy and racism is over restorative justice Brian
[00:38:43] restorative justice yeah that's great so i'm i'm just so glad that you know so much reparations money
[00:38:50] are coming through to this one moment well you know i see she's really suffered and i think
[00:38:55] this is you know one of the ways we can reward her for her for her efforts that's just great so
[00:39:02] okay so it sounds like a i mean questionable commercial but whatever we can i can move past it
[00:39:09] you know let's get now you know before we before we end tell us about the coloring book and the
[00:39:13] different sort of activities you know because you know coloring books you're not just coloring although
[00:39:17] there's that as well your your coloring there's you know sometimes you're you know cutting out
[00:39:22] different different things there's a page of stickers there's you know an activity book like
[00:39:27] this is full of fun different things what are some of the sort of fun little games and coloring
[00:39:33] sections and whatnot in these in these cool books that you guys gave out to k-thru fifth graders
[00:39:39] well there's one in the main the foldout so you have two pages and it's basically the inside of
[00:39:44] a pharmacy uh huh and you have the shelves are stocked with stuff and it says you crayon and you
[00:39:50] have eight seconds and it says circle the things you would take and run out with a not be prosecuted for
[00:39:57] in eight seconds three two one go and then you just circle all the various things
[00:40:02] and then you tally up the value of what you've would have would have stolen and compare who's
[00:40:08] the best at taking things in a brief window of time out of a store not being prosecuted for it
[00:40:14] what you say stealing i think he mean liberating but whatever yeah i'm so sorry i'm at liberating
[00:40:20] yeah liberating these products from the well that's very exciting so you know i saw you circle the
[00:40:27] you know like the oxycodone the uh you know nicaret the electronics all that stuff exactly
[00:40:35] and then there's another page with a Hugo bus store another page with a Nike store and you just kind
[00:40:40] of you choose you know the things you would take it's just like a little challenge it's a fun little
[00:40:44] game and then i remember reading in that article something about an ebremex candy sticker page
[00:40:51] can you tell us about that yeah there's just a it's basically a full page of inbremex candy
[00:40:57] stickers of him looking intellectual or kind of gestating towards pointing at you like he doing
[00:41:03] or holding his chin with his hand like that kind of like i'm a i'm smart pose yeah uh and then
[00:41:08] there's just accolades for whatever book he poops out any there are accolades for any books or
[00:41:14] there's like a five star review oh so you just put on on anything he writes that's the sticker as you
[00:41:19] give his yeah his book a great review yes that sounds like a lot of fun for kids oh kids love
[00:41:27] that stuff they love stickers that's really great and the anti-racism that's really what and
[00:41:33] and there's um i know there's also in that book a George Floyd section like a like a coloring
[00:41:38] and activity section for George Floyd what i mean that sounds daisy what do you mind just telling us
[00:41:43] about that uh it's a little controversial uh because it has him in heaven sitting between
[00:41:53] God and Jesus uh uh you know so obviously the suggestion is that he's he's the right hand there
[00:42:01] now and Jesus kind of gets moved over to the side but it's for a good cause i don't see anything
[00:42:08] wrong with that got a little pushback from the Vatican well i told that guy mr frances
[00:42:18] hopes sir why don't you focus on something else like the ukraine russia crisis it's for what did he say
[00:42:24] he said oh yeah i'll go ask ukraine to surrender
[00:42:27] i feel like you may have an agenda um i feel like i might have yes
[00:42:39] well uh that is uh that's what we you know thank you very much for you know sharing your time in
[00:42:45] the black lives matter movement uh in in helping to sort of steer kids in the right direction and by
[00:42:51] right i mean far far far far left i know i sound like a broken record or michael jackson but you
[00:42:56] gotta get him young he sound like just any member uh any founding member of a colonoscopy club
[00:43:02] well right that brings to close another episode of questionable material and you know if there's
[00:43:06] one thing think about one thing you'd like to say to end it and uh because i have one thing i
[00:43:11] would like to say and that is if you enjoy the show the best thing you could do is just send us
[00:43:17] a lot a lot of money so we don't have to work anymore or do anything but the second best thing you
[00:43:23] could do is to tell a friend about the show that's really the best way for this thing to grow
[00:43:30] say hey i told you about him multiple times i've told you about multiple times and and you know my
[00:43:35] stance on the show i will not listen to it this filth fair enough so we gotta find one extra person
[00:43:42] to replace the you not listening yeah so find someone if get a second friend
[00:43:48] wind them dying them make love to them get in their conference spend nine to 12 months on this
[00:43:56] project and then when you really feel like they're gonna be open to listening to you say hey i heard
[00:44:01] about a really funny podcast if you like comedy you should check it out yeah but i told my friend Jamie
[00:44:08] about the podcast he said i already know about the podcast and i can't go out for my birthday
[00:44:14] dinner because my wife just sponsored it oh my gosh we took their their birthday dinner money
[00:44:22] that's how i see it i'm fine with that is there anything you would like to say to people before we
[00:44:29] say goodbye yeah jack i gotta go to cypress tell people that's about what you're about to do
[00:44:35] i'm about to go to cypress good story the humanitarian aid thing jack boo
[00:44:41] boo less brian boo humanitarian aid boo you know i like it i know you like it's really dumb all right
[00:44:51] more on that next episode be sure to tune in and tell your friends
[00:44:54] you